Huling Ilang Araw sa Paglalakbay

Sa wakas, huling linggo na. Matatapos na rin ang mga araw na para ako trumpo sa pag-ikot sa dalawang asignatura. Natutuwa ako na maiibsan ang pansamantalang paghihirap. Subalit, ikanalulungkot ko na maaaring hindi ko ito maransang muli. May kapayapaan ako. Tanggap ko sa ngayon na maaaring ito ang sagot ng Maykapal sa aking dasal. Ngunit umaasa ako na sa kabilang banda ay baka naisin niyang gumawa ng isang kahindik-hindik na pangyayari at maipagpatuloy ko ang paglalakbay na ito.

Aaminin ko. Marami akong pagkukulang dulot ng kawalang-karanasan sa ganitong bagay at kawalang-kahandaan dahil hindi ko naihanda ang aking sarili na talaga ngang magbibigay ang Panginoon ng aking pang-matrikula. May mga panahong parang lipad-hangin ang aking utak at hindi naiintindihan ang mga binabasa at itinuturo ng aking mga propesor. Gayun pa man, marami akong natutunan hindi lamang sa mga bagay na patungkol sa aking pananampalataya, sa lipunan at maging sa aking sarili.

Umaasa ako na didinggin ng Diyos ang aking hangarin at dasal na magpatuloy. Wala akong kaaalam-alam at hindi ko maisip kung paano io mangyayari pero

Advertisements

Isang malungkot na araw para sa Demokrasya

I.

Hindi ka nagbibiro nang sinabi mong kalaban mo siya.

Ngunit mistulang iilan lamang ang nakinig sa iyong tinuruan.

Pero ang mga napupuna at hindi mo natupad na pangako

Katwiran mo lagi ay biro. Tila mahusay ang iyong taktika.

Wala nang panahon ang karamihan na suriin ang mga biro mong

may pakahulugang nakatago.

II.

Sana nga ay totoo na kayo ay may pagpanig sa totoo.

Hindi lamang sa katotohanang nilikha na inyong ego

Sana nga ay totoo na siya ang hindi nagsasabi ng totoo.

Para sa ginawa ninyo, sa huli hindi ang bayan ang talo.

Sana nga ay totoo na kayo ay walang sinasanto.

Para sa ginawa ninyo, hindi kayo natalo.

Sana nga totoo. Sana talaga ang manaig ay totoo.

III.

Gusto kitang batiin ng maligayang araw ng mga ina.

Tagumpay ngang maituturing ang makita nila.

At nawa ay magising ang mga nagtutulug-tulugan.

Makakita ang nagbubulag-bulagan at makarinig ang nagbibingi-bingihan.

Gusto kitang batiin na may panalangin at paghanga.

Nandigan ka sa alam mong tama at pinilit ipagtanggol ang mga kawawa.

 

IV.

Humayo ka ibon ng kalayaan. Umahon ka sa rehas ng kamangmangan.

Hanapin mo ang kaligtasan sa Maykapa na siyang may alam ng lahat.

Lumipad ka ibong malaya. Abutin mo ang mga binhing laan sa iyo.

Gisingin mo ang kamalayan ng mga walang pakialam at ayaw makialam.

Humayo ka ibon ng kalayaan. Bagtasin mo man ang malanit na daan,

Tanggapin mo ang pagkagising ng iyong kamalayan.

To My Future Husband -2018

Dear Love,

I had been hanging out here in tabulas this week after I deactivated my Facebook account. I need more time for myself and the Lord and social media hinders me from satisfying that. So as I hang out here, I saw my post for you last 2015. Would you believe that I also wrote it 4th of May in 2015? Nice!

I am working on my critique paper for MAICS. 3 years ago, I had a post script asking if you were into church planting. And here I am taking further studies which encompasses that and more – developmental work. 3 years passed and we still have not met. I had gone through the cycle of being hopeful-giving up-being encouraged by God’s word – being hopeful again-giving up… It’s hard to wait but I understand it more now why God is making me wait.

He is making me wait because:

  • of Self-Awareness. In my current season, I am knowing myself more. All my assumptions about my self and my faith are coming to scrutiny through series of events, tests and counseling that I am getting. In school, I underwent this test which made me understand my self more and I am learning how I can use those strengths to glorify God in my life – especially in relating to other people. There’s lot in store for me which I believe is better to be explored by myself, alone, with the Lord.

 

  • of Studies. I didn’t realize how taking up master’s degree will affirm the vocation that God has for me. With me in the first quarter of my studies, I am affirmed in so many ways of my calling and how God is redeeming me from the effects of god-complexes that dominated my life growing up. God is setting me free and helping me to assert my identity in Christ completely. And this is important before I meet you. Otherwise, you will not experience the fulfillment of God’s gift to you in me.

 

  • of Equilibrium.  In this current season, I am experiencing how God is bringing the walls down in my life. And at times I am having a hard time finding that balance in me. Walls are breaking and being replaced by something new. Although I sometimes wish that I had someone like you who will listen to me, embrace me when I am scared, encourage me to move forward when I am paralyzed by fear, pray with and for me in both quiet and rough times and kiss me good night. I realized it won’t fair for you to bear such without you seeing the best in me.

 

  • of my Relationships. There lots of shaking that occur in the last 3 years of my life. You won’t believe it. And those shaking led me hurt, betrayed and unwilling to love again. I felt that it drained all the love I received from God.  I felt that nothing was left for me to give away. Good thing, you have not arrived. Otherwise, I might have hurt you inadvertently.

 

  • of Reasons that Only God knows. Maybe for now, only God knows. Or it could also be that we’ll never know what it was until I get to heaven. And when I get to heaven, it won’t matter anymore.

So there. I am beginning to be hopeful again that we will meet each other soon. Love stories of the people around me encourage me to believe that it will happen for us too. I asked God once again if I will be married and He affirmed me once more in His Word.

This time, can I ask you to pray for me? Pray that I will stay faithful to God in my commitment in my relationship with Him. That I will remain hopeful that we will one day I meet which will also serve as a reminder for me to be a good steward of my health. That I will continue to pray for you, for us and our future together – our marriage with Christ at the center, our family (with many kids) that are led, discipled by you and nurtured by both of us, our future ministry where we could experience God more and witness to these people about Jesus Christ as God’s perfect expression of love.

As I write this, I long to meet you and talk to you over  cup of coffee. I know we will both enjoy each other’s company because that’s how God works in our lies and our love story. But I understand and accepted that there is a season for us to meet. And when that happens, people will know that God made our love story happen.

My love, this time, please patiently wait and pray for me. I’m coming home soon.

Love,

Your future wife (who can’t wait to meet you)

P.S. I am praying to experience studying on campus for my course. With our God it is not impossible but humanly speaking it will take mountains to be moved and great favor from the Lord. I recently received good news of an undeserved favor to continue studying. I wonder if you were somewhere near the campus? Or are we on the same campus? Oh dear, this is so exciting.

 

Playing on our wedding march: You’re Beautiful by Phil Wickham

Revelation 19:6-9

Then I heard again what sounded like the shout of a vast crowd or the roar of mighty ocean waves or the crash of loud thunder:

“Praise the Lord!
    For the Lord our God,[a] the Almighty, reigns.
Let us be glad and rejoice,
    and let us give honor to him.
For the time has come for the wedding feast of the Lamb,
    and his bride has prepared herself.
She has been given the finest of pure white linen to wear.”
    For the fine linen represents the good deeds of God’s holy people.

And the angel said to me, “Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the wedding feast of the Lamb.” And he added, “These are true words that come from God.

 

That “Cobus” feels

Youtube was just new. I spent hours in the computer shop at school or near my dorm to blog and watch some videos. One day I came across Cobus Potgeiter’s video a.k.a. deedlebag. I was still in a band that time. I had always wanted to learn the drums when I was a kid. I remember it was when Paco Arepacochaga of Introvoys played in a Sunday noon time show that I knew I wanted it…but I never had a chance to learn it. Even when I was in a band, I never had the chance to spend more time with the drums set.

Years after, I came across Cobus’ 2018 drum videos. Brings back my “used to be desire”. Hopefully, God willing this coming June I’ll finaly have time and the resources to learn the drums before I hit old age.

P.S. Cobus still looks great and I think he’s the same shy, humble guy on drums.

About to conquer the Giants

Self-awareness seemed to be the theme of what I am experiencing recently. This strength test I recently took, required reflections and some compelling times of seeking had lead me to discover more of myself.

It’s amazing how the lord reveal things to me in a personal way. There are times that I linger on the sad truth about of being and what I had gone through. On my own, I am wretched, helpless and wounded soul. At some point I saw myself as good for nothing because I believed the lies that I grew up with. I also came to realize that somehow I was raised in a way that I should not have been. Then came Jesus Christ. He shed light to these lonely places in my soul, revealing what sin had done and cost me and His willingness to rescue me from that pitiful pit.

Amazing grace, mercy and love, indeed.

And tonight, I am about to conquer one of the few giants I’m about to face. I don’t know how but I am just following His lead.

When we honor God…

“I know your deeds. See, I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut. I know that you have little strength, yet you have kept my word and have not denied my name.” Revelation 3:8 NIV

Couple of years ago, I was asked to sing for the invocation in a company event however there were two words that I must avoid – God and Jesus. It was in respect of different religious beliefs of some guests and bosses who were attending. My heart was troubled because I knew I was stuck to sing at the same time I knew I had to take a stand for Jesus, even in this simple way.

In my prayer I was like, “Lord, you know my heart. I don’t want to deny you and You know that I love you. Please help me. Give me wisdom. I want to honor you but at the same time I want to be a good witness by respecting the authorities for you said, submit to authority (Everyone must submit to governing authorities. For all authority comes from God, and those in positions of authority have been placed there by God…So you must submit to them, not only to avoid punishment, but also to keep a clear conscience. Romans 13:1 and 5). Ayoko ng eksena Lord. Gusto ko peaceful lang. Please help me.” (Something like that)

The Song

I was supposed to pick the song but I can’t think of anything that would fit the requirement. And to my surprise, they gave me this song. And when I read the lyrics, I was dumbfounded. I realized that even if I don’t mention God and Jesus, the lyrics points to Jesus and what He did for us. By God’s grace, I remembered the songs which talks about God but used other names and/or attributes of God. So we (together with the other guys who played the instruments) used ROCK for God (Psalm 18:2) and YOU for Jesus.

The Encouragement

Although my mates and I were practicing the song, I know that it’s not an easy place to be at. In my mind, I want to speak Jesus because He’s too good not to be glorified in every way. On the other hand, I want to be a good witness by respecting the authority. I know that I must honor God but I also know that I can’t force my belief to them (Romans 14).

The day before I sing, I met with some of the ministry people for a practice. I was once again amazed because I am not really someone who can be picked in songs like this but eventually my name was suddenly remembered by Ate Lyz. So as close in prayer for the practice, I asked them to include my concern. After the prayer, Ate Lyz shared of how she was reminded of Revelation 3:8 in my situation. She, together with the others in the team, encouraged me to pursue it and allow God to reveal Himself to me.

The Event
Hours before the event, I got to catch up with the event’s host and saw the script. I noticed that it included a short prayer prior to me singing. The host explained that due to the recent calamity, the organizers decided to add a short prayer dedicating to the victims to be read. But what surprised me was the prayer ended with the phrase “In Jesus’ name.” Wow! All along we were careful not to mention the name of Jesus and God in the song during practice but there I was reading an approved script with the name of Jesus in it! To my joy, I asked permission from the host and the organizer in charge if I could just say the prayer prior to us singing – in my mind, so that the audience can resonate that it was Jesus in our song – and I was allowed too! Indeed, God made a way for me to glorify Him and He honoured my desire to proclaim His name.

Here’s the pic courtesy of a friend:

The Reward
Being saved is only by grace and I know that as I follow Christ, He is my reward. But with God’s goodness and perhaps a sense of humor, it felt that He still rewarded me for my step of faith. You see, I’m not lucky with raffle draws. I can only recall one occasion that I won – but it wasn’t raffle but BINGO game and oh another out of obedience from the Lord too. Come the raffle drawn a month after, I won the raffle – first place! An 21′ Devant LED TV!
Indeed, God works amazingly. I won a TV just when our old second hand TV from surplus shop was about to burst. Truly, He is God who is who He claims He is! All glory and honor be to Him!

The Years That were before 2017

2015 was a year of “walking on water” for me. It was when God has called me to step up in my faith. January 2015 was when we had our first bible study in the office (where I previously worked). God provided everything that we need from venue to food and even the attendees. By God’s grace, 3 of the attendees (who are not yet believers) entrusted their lives to Jesus and are members of small groups in a church. One of them is, as of writing, continuing that bible study group and leads it with other Christian work mates. August 2015, I got a clear call from God to ‘walk on water’ by leaving my job of almost 7 years. At the same time, He called me to volunteer as a Children’s leader in BSF’s School Program in Ortigas. I was jobless for more than a month (which is not a good thing for a bread winner like me) but God sustained me until I took an entirely different job from what I used to in October 2015.

‘Walking on water’ was not easy but spiritually rewarding. Like Peter, I was compelled by my amusement and love for Jesus to ask Him to tell me to walk on water but in the middle of my walk was distracted by the waves and almost drowned. But Jesus was there to pick me up. In my mind, I can imagine his facial expression telling me “You of little faith, why did you doubt?”

2016 was a year of being courageous.  After stepping out of my comfort zone and living out my belief that God called me to ‘walk on water’, the following year was even more difficult. I had successes because of God’s faithfulness especially during the times that I have to win the spiritual battle that I was in – overcoming my old self for me to die-to-myself and live in freedom. I had my failures yet God was ever gracious to redeem me and make all things work together for His purpose. It was a year of letting go of the desires that were dear to me and embracing the ‘no’ and ‘not yet’ from the Lord trusting that He wants the best for me. Indeed, He has plans for me to prosper.

February 2, 2016, I received an email from Tita Malu that the chief editor read my work and requested me to send him a filled-out book proposal and a chapter of my work. It was a surprise because I thought it won’t get noticed as my draft was forwarded in June 2015 and didn’t hear from them until February 2016. April 2016, my boss agreed and endorsed me to apply for a Customer Service Officer position in one of our clients and got accepted at the same time I had my first writing workshop sponsored by the publisher. May 2016, didn’t start well for me and encountered series of struggles which coincided as I write the draft for the book. I believe, and hope, it became over in November. November 2016, I got accepted into an institution that I couldn’t imagine I would be but I have to have a scholarship grant to make that dream happen, so help me Lord.

2017 is what I claim to year of God’s promise to be fulfilled. I have hunch of what those are but I am also up for surprises from the Lord. My prayer is that may the Lord our God go before me and give the wisdom, discernement, humility, courage and excellent health to finish the year well for His glory alone.In JEsus’ name.